we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
