she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
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he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
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You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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