jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
