New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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