were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
