I will die if light touches me.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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