This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.