nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.