I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You dont lie about slip and slides
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day