i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Is Oprah even human
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.