no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.