why didn't you poke me back
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I intend to get homeless drunk
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.