i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I pooped in a mop bucket.
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment