what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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