I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
