ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
