dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
