JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
