Whod you bang
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
