I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She's not a foreskin expert like you
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
