ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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