I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Vodka?
Forever.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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