What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
