You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
