You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
