I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
