DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
