dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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