whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
