exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
