I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
