Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So much rum. So many feels.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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