So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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