I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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