It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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