I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
