'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
