She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
