I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
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I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
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Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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