im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
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it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
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Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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