apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just had sex bonerless
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Randomize
