Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
