she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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