Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
