normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
