Banned from zoo.
Again?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
