ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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