K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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