If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He shit in the fireplace
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
