Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
