I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
