i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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