is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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