i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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