Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
