im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
