The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
