I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I did not marry a roomba.
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