Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
