ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
