we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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