screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
