your thong is hanging out like whoa
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
