I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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