My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
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She tied me up with her honor cords...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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