she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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