So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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