You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
