OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize