I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm drive I can fine osifer
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
