Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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