I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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