I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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