i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
