Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
