I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
